Matters of the Heart: Decoding the Language

Last week, I promised myself and a friend of mine that I will post more about my emotional, love-life and relationships experiences to share what I have learned through the years with other single ladies who are still suffering from the pickle of understanding men, particularly, Sudanese men. I am not sure if it is a smart thing to do, or how wise would my advice and tips be, but it's always good to hear other people's stories and thoughts, it never harms to share.


Before starting with this post, and the rest of the series, I would like to make a very important note. As we all know and keep repeating, people are not the same. Men and Women might be similar in a few attributes, but in a whole each individual is completely and utterly different than the other. So dear reader, never follow your friends advice, nor those relationship online articles immediately, but think of it carefully and wisely, then put it into the context of your man's personality and character, try to think and predict his reaction although it might be difficult, at the first times, but later on as you get to know him better it will get easier and easier to predict his reactions.

As we grew up from our ages of innocence entering the teenage years of curiosity, experimenting and rebelling, we have always heard people say that women are complicated and difficult to understand; a theory that was implanted into our brains deeply through American and Egyptian movies, which explains why women tend to blame themselves whenever a relationship comes to an end, and why we always find excuses for our men, repeating to ourselves "We are complicated, I'll just give him another chance to understand me and know me better".

And this, my dear readers, is the biggest mistake any woman can make in her relationship!

Its not something that I'm proud of, but I have been dating since I was 16, which makes it 9 whole years of dating, including 2 serious relationships, and what I have learned from my own experiences, and stories from my many girlfriends through these years is basically that Women are not complicated, neither are men; they are just simply different.

To understand more about the "difference" theory, which is 100% correct according to my and almost everyone I know experience, I would recommend reading the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus", if you haven’t already.

In brief, the whole point of the book is explaining the difference between men and women. Both think in totally different ways, talk in different ways, different perspectives of life and priorities, and so are their views on love and how to show that love.

Most women are needy and clingy, demanding that their men show affection, love and appreciation 24/7, whereas men believe that showing love once in a lifetime is enough, simply because it won't change. (According to what they think)

Women need flowers, continuous phone calls, love letters, notes or messages as proof of love and passion, while men, believe that the fact that they are still there with her in that relationship/marriage is enough proof.

This is primary the no. 1 problem in all relationships, difficulty in understanding each other.

You think you know him too well, or he knows you too well; if so then you should be able to break the codes of his conversations, his body language, his actions, and he should be able to do the same. Don’t stress yourself if you don’t think you know him or understand him, it takes time; but to do so, always remember that he speaks a different language than yours.

So, try to understand your man's language, seek the right moment to talk to him about your language, cause as mush as it is hard for you to decode him, it is a million times harder for him, for he does not know there are codes to break.

Tell him about your "dramatic" side, explain how all women are drama queens, ask him to bare with it and just wait till the rage is over, talk to him about what you need and when, tell him that it would be easier for both if he just pressured himself a little bit and made that quick phone call in the middle of the day to make you feel better, and in return you will not nag on him as much and try to control your "nagging-urges".

Make him talk about his needs, as hard as it is for him, but with a few nice words he will surrender and give in, ask him tenderly how he shows his love, so you would understand it in a better way. A simple 15 minutes conversation can turn your life around. I know that the "lets talk" intro freaks them out, so make sure the surrounding is pleasant and his mood is unwind before starting, and assure him that this conversation is only to make your relationship stronger and healthier.



I really don’t know if what I wrote so far has been of any use or interest to you, but this was just a starter, or a preamble to more tips, advice and stories, trying to solve the mystery of Sudanese men.

Finally:

A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.

-Pearl S. Buck