Talking about Why Guys Marry Some Girls (but Not Others)

All men have a secret wedding checklist: five traits they look for in a woman that say she's worth walking down the aisle for. He won't pop the question without 'em.

It happens all the time: A guy spends months, even years, in a long-term relationship with a girl he really digs. But after dropping the I-don't-see-myself-ever-getting-married bomb, he suddenly turns around and ties the knot with a new chick. The factors that tip a dude from steady relationship to "till death do us part" seem like the ultimate unsolved mystery ... especially when you're in a solid LTR and aren't sure if your guy is even considering marriage.
It all comes down to some elusive qualities women have a hard time understanding but men are always on the lookout for, explains Willard Harley Jr., Ph.D., author of I Promise You: Preparing for a Marriage That Will Last a Lifetime. "Part of what makes him want to get married is chemistry and passion, but it's also about certain actions and behaviors that are more concrete than you'd think," says Harley. Below, we clue you in to five crucial traits that separate the girls men date from the ones who make them want to set a date.

Tie-the-Knot-Trait 1: She's Exciting and Always Evolving

You know how every season finale of your favorite TV show ends with a million unanswered questions and you can't freaking wait for the next one? Well, a girl can give her guy that same thrilling mix of exhilaration and anticipation by surprising him.
"She does this by being spontaneous and a little unpredictable, taking on new interests all the time, and revealing different facets of herself," explains Alon Gratch, Ph.D., author of If Love Could Think. By never letting life get static, this woman busts the myth that being married means feeling humdrum. "She makes being with her an adventure, as if there's always a new idea or activity just around the bend," says Gratch.
"With most of my girlfriends, I feared that we'd run out of things to talk about if we spent too much time together. But when I met my fiancée, Gwen, I kept discovering new layers to her. One day she came home from work with a stack of cookbooks; the next week she told me stories about how she loved designing outfits in high school. She's full of small surprises." —Brett, 29
"I dated a lot of girls who liked pushing boundaries, but it all seemed a little forced. My wife's sense of adventure, however, comes from within. She's naturally driven to challenge herself by trying new things. That's the kind of girl you want to marry. If you aren't continually fascinated by each other, it won't last." —Rob, 38
"The thing that makes my fiancée so captivating: She takes risks. I don't mean she bungee jumps off bridges. It's more that when a new opportunity comes along — a different facet to her job or the chance to meet new people at an event or party — she grabs it and proceeds. Her boldness makes her enchanting." —Bob, 27

Tie-the-Knot-Trait 2: She Really, Really Loves Sex

No big shocker here — a chick who enjoys twisting the sheets will always have a hopping social life. But when a woman makes the effort to have really connected sex that involves both body and mind, she goes from great girlfriend to marriage material in his view.
"Men crave sex that's erotic, but they also want sex that makes them feel deeply bonded," says Gratch. In other words, it's not all about wowing a guy with pretzel-like positions; a big part of having amazing booty is paying close attention to his mind-set and moods during the deed so sex reaches a higher, almost spiritual level.
Another thing that makes them think of the M word: when a woman is actively committed to keeping the passion on high boil. "A guy's biggest fear is that the great sex that made him think you were The One will fall by the wayside," explains Douglas Weiss, Ph.D., author of The 7 Love Agreements: Decisions You Can Make on Your Own to Strengthen Your Marriage. "A woman who puts effort into maintaining that sizzle is a dream come true."
"To make sure that the awesome sex we had when we first met didn't lose its passion, my wife came up with this idea for regular ‘sex bets.' For example, she'd bet me that I couldn't make her climax several times in a row, or I'd challenge her to initiate action in a semipublic spot. We have never fallen into a rut, and our competition keeps us feeling connected." —Jamie, 30
"My fiancée did this terrific thing when we first started having sex: After we were finished, she'd tell me how good I made her feel, that she really liked how I felt against her skin. It made me want to tell her what I liked too. Guys aren't supposed to admit it, but opening up about how sex affects us emotionally actually enhances the physical side of things." —Paul, 28
"My fiancée was up-front from the start about her desire for an extremely satisfying sex life; she never had any hang-ups about taking charge in bed or proposing out-there activities that a lot of women would be afraid to admit they were curious about. I could tell I wasn't getting ensnared in the classic bait-and-switch marriage that so many guys fall into — you know, when the action slows to a halt a year after you become husband and wife." —Russ, 34

Tie-the-Knot-Trait 3: She Makes It Clear He's Not Her Entire Life

It's flattering to a guy to realize that his girl thinks the world of him, but it's less appealing when he gets the impression that he is her world. That's why a girlfriend who retains her independence and sense of self, even as the relationship takes a serious turn, has definite wife appeal.
"A woman who depends on a man for her sense of fulfillment is a scary thing for a guy," says Gratch. "Men don't want to feel smothered or totally responsible for their partner's day-to-day happiness." The guy ideal: a chick who views coupledom as a solid partnership in which both she and her man still have separate identities.
"Before we were married, Jess would go out with her group of friends a lot, which I later became a part of. But she didn't put all of her focus on me. She made it clear that she was there to hang out with them. I really liked the fact that she wasn't the type of girl who ditches her girlfriends when she meets a guy. It made me confident that she'd always have her own life outside our relationship." —Sam, 33
"She definitely makes time for me so we can do things as boyfriend and girlfriend, but my fiancée also keeps up her own life. She has a weekly dinner with college friends, an art class every Thursday night, plus the responsibilities of her job as a journalist. I like that she doesn't check with me first to see what I want to do and she doesn't offer to bail out of an event or night out with pals in favor of always being with me." —Charles, 35

Tie-the-Knot-Trait 4: ...Yet She Still Conveys How Very Important He Is to Her

Okay, so men dig independent chicks. But there's a fine line between being independent and acting aloof and detached. Guys settle down with a woman who regularly reveals her tender side and shows him that no matter what happens, she's got his back.
"Men view life as a struggle or war that they're fighting, and they want someone who'll be on their side at all times, through thick and thin," says Gratch. "This doesn't mean that a woman should mother him or assist him with every little detail of his life; it's more about consistently doing small, nurturing things that let him know you really care."
A couple of examples: Bringing him a treat when he tells you he isn't feeling well or complimenting his brilliance after he finishes a stressful work project. "These gestures are tiny, but they reassure a man that his girl is solidly on his team," says Gratch.
"When we first started becoming a serious couple, my fiancé accepted a new job that required a lot of travel and attention. Still, even from hotels across the country, she took the time to call and check in on how my day was going and e-mail me little messages. She even stocked my refrigerator with beer and sandwiches before she'd leave on another trip. Her concern and thoughtfulness helped push our relationship to a higher level." —David, 28
"Every so often, my in-laws and I will get into an argument. But from the very first one, my wife has always respectfully defended me, and this made me want to be with her forever. She loves her parents and values their opinions, of course, and she and I don't always see eye to eye. Yet no matter what the issue is, she still lets her family know that she's sticking by me. This is a big thing for guys. I know it sounds ridiculous, but men tend to see themselves as misunderstood lone wolves."-Alan, 30

Tie-the-Knot-Trait 5: She Wants Him to Be the Best Man He Can Be

Men don't secretly want their girlfriends to bark orders at them like a drill sergeant. It's more about helping him reach his potential by actively supporting his goals, even pushing him a teensy bit so he can succeed in whatever he does.
"Young guys tend to try to get away with as little as possible, and a lot of women let them, thinking that it would be out of line to challenge their man," says Harley. "But a man admires a woman who encourages him to shape up and toe the line ... as long as she has his best interests in mind and isn't trying to mold him."
This also means calling his bluff and not letting him get away with slacking off. "Even though it might seem like tough love at the time, she helps him achieve and accomplish things, and deep down he appreciates her for that," says Harley.
"Before we got engaged, the woman who is now my fiancé told me that she thought I was drinking too much, working too hard, and not taking care of myself. Ouch. But when I actually took in what she said, I knew that she was right and she was looking out for me. No other girlfriend had ever been so honest." —Ryan, 29
"I wasn't on speaking terms with my father for years, and when I told my girlfriend this and that I just didn't care about having a relationship with him anymore, she didn't nod sympathetically. She made me call him and work things out because she knew I'd eventually regret it if I didn't. She had the guts to disagree with me about something most women wouldn't want to get involved in." —Shawn, 31

Source: msn relationships

Changing Career

Source:Bayt.com

If Bill Gates had got bored with software in his twenties and decided to try his luck as a rock guitarist, would the world be the same today? Would technology have evolved in a significantly different direction? Would ‘Microsoft-Rock’ have been a new genre of music? And, most importantly, would it have been any good?
Well, Bill stuck to his guns and it’s fair to say things worked out pretty well for him, and most probably for music-lovers too, but many of us do opt to change career direction and for some it’s the best decision we ever made.

When it comes to your career, taking a leap of faith into the unknown can often prove the most rewarding of challenges. True to the nature of modern society, changing your job at some point during your working life has become increasingly popular. If you were to enquire where someone started their career, it is highly likely that they would give an answer which is far removed from their current occupation. In a society where increased opportunities are available and diversifying your occupational field is encouraged, changing your job during your career path is becoming almost inevitable.

Over the last couple of decades a significant shift in attitude can be charted in terms of the number of people who enjoy a “career for life”. Rather than seeing change as a negative force, both employees and employers are acknowledging that having a varied background of experience can prove hugely beneficial.

Typically, an undergraduate student will have chosen their main subject area based on a combination of personal interest and preferred future career path. Many change their minds about the latter even during their studies, but many will still go on to a relevant career path.
For example, upon leaving university an engineering graduate is very likely to head towards a large transport or construction firm. He or she will hopefully receive training and development and go on to develop a certain expertise. Realistically, it is likely to take them at least two to three years to establish if this really is the right career choice for them, especially given their initial inexperience in the workplace in general.

They may love their work and consider it as the only thing they want to do for the remainder of their working lives. However, they will also be exposed to many other career paths through their professional and social networks. They will see how much friends and colleagues enjoy their careers and they will gain a deeper understanding of what provides career satisfaction, opportunity and reward.

New trends will develop and opportunities will possibly present themselves. It’s no surprise that the ‘job for life’ concept is increasingly rare. So when you decide to change your career path, how do you go about it? Unless you are lucky enough to be headhunted or to have opportunity knock at your door you need to apply yourself in the same way you would when developing a project plan in your current role.

Making a career change is one of the most commonly cited reasons for deciding to pursue an MBA. It makes a lot of sense – you have developed a specific skill set, a significant amount of experience and a deeper understanding of what kind of work would suit you best. Now you want to build on this in a different direction, but you do not want to start over from entry-level.
An MBA degree offers you new and transferable skills and knowledge, which adds to your marketability to a much broader range of employers. Choose the right course and your ideal employer could be approaching you before you’re even alum. Don’t rely on it though – you need to prepare yourself:

Think laterally:

Never underestimate yourself and your abilities. It is vital when you are thinking of undertaking a new career that you look at your CV with an open mind. Most industry sectors offer a broad and diverse range of occupational fields which each require a different set of skills. Being critical of your past experience and understanding how some of the skills you have gained in previous employment can be applicable to a new role is the crucial starting point.

Transferable Skills:

So, what have you learnt so far? What is it about you, your education and your work experience that makes you special? What are your biggest strengths and how can you demonstrate them. Be positive – you’ve got a lot to offer – but be realistic. Don’t kid yourself about your strengths and weaknesses.

Broaden your horizons:

It’s important to think outside of the box when you are looking at starting a new profession. Very often it is easy to have a stereotypical idea of what a job will be like before fully researching the relevant information. Talk to people in the industry sectors you are interested in and exploit your networks as much as possible.

Confidence is key:

The idea of learning an entirely new occupation from scratch can be an extremely daunting prospect. There will be a definite period of adapting, and it is highly likely that there will be many hurdles that need to be overcome. It is crucial not to feel overwhelmed by this and maintain a focus as to why you chose to pursue this career change in the first place. Remaining resolute in your decision is vital.

The right attitude:

In a work environment, having the right attitude often counts above all else. Showing enthusiasm, a willingness to work as a team player, and dedication in facing new challenges are strong qualities for a candidate to display and these merits can mark the difference between staying on the bottom rung of the ladder and making swift career progression.

Look to the future:

Once you have made that initial step, a career in any industry can prove extremely prosperous for those willing to display diligence, enthusiasm and a positive work ethic. The opportunities for development and career progression are near limitless and there is very often the chance to move between individual sectors within an industry.

Tom Harrison is an MBA recruitment specialist and Head of QS TopMBA Careers. Contact Tom on tom@qsnetwork.com
Source:

topmba.com

Barack Obama:: Is Black a Color or Culture?

This is an article I wrote on November 29th, 2008, when the whole world was excited about Obama's winning the presidential elections. It displays my point of view back then, in a few days I should be writing another one showing what I see and think and where I stand from Obama's Policies since he took the office in January 20th, 2009.

Barack Obama:: Is Black a Color or Culture?

For the past few months, since the United States Presidential Elections race started heating up, and candidates were narrowed to Barack Obama and John McCain, followers of the Elections, not only in the United States but also around the globe had no other topic than "Barack Obama", the "Savior", the "one who will bring change to the US and the world".

They spoke of his history, his "African Roots" and his "Islamic or Christian Religion Doubts", and how the American dream of equality despite racial, color and culture diversity will finally come true, if Obama is elected to be the "First Black President".

"America has elected the first black president", this phrase was repeated with enthusiasm on American and International radios and television stations on November 4th, 2008, the next days, Newspapers all over the world repeated the same phrase or "myth" as Abdul Karim Bengura states in his article posted in the Sierra Leone Concord Times.

Abdul Karim rises in his article a question that not many people considered asking, "Is Barack Obama the First Black President in the US?"

Now before going to his answer, we should also ask ourselves, why didn’t other people and why didn’t the media consider asking this question? Why do they keep repeating this "myth"? The first answer that would come to one's mind is that they simply do not know that there, in fact, had been another Black President of the US, if we actually meant by Black, those of African Origins.
However, this answer cannot be the best or most accurate one, since most of the people working or related to the Media, specifically Black Media are well read in African American History, in this case, the one thing we can think of is that the Black media did not want to dampen the excitement of voters predicting and hoping to be part of a great achievement in American History, as they thought it was, as for the White and other media, they did not want to acknowledge the part of American History which is Black.

Abdul Karim explains in his article that he wants to educate those who do not know and those who need to be reminded that Obama is not the First Black President. This is partly my reason to write and post this article as well. It has irritated me that too many Sudanese in and out of Sudan were too ecstatic about Obama's victory. It has aggravated me that the SPLM have actually organized a celebration for this event that took place on November 29th, 2008.

An article written by C. Stone Brown entitled "Who were the 5 Black Presidents" posted in Diversity Inc Magazine in February 2004, and Leroy Brown's Book "Black People and Their Place in History", in addition to J.A. Roger's book called "Five Black Presidents" and "The Hidden Lincoln" by William Herndon, are sources yielding together that there are six American Presidents, which are believed to have had "Black Blood".
Nonetheless, these sources do not provide evident proof of their claims, only an article entitled "Harding was first 'black president'" posted in the Baltimore Sun on October 7th, 1998, written by Theo Lippman offers a more grounded source as it goes to the complete history of Warren G. Harding's origins, where we can find his black blood in his great- great grandfather, Amos Harding, who was a "West- Indian Negro" as described in that article, a fact that haunted his Harding's life as a child and an adult.

In his childhood, Harding was called names by his school mates and even his school masters introduced him as "part black". As his career life was going ahead as a journalist, newspaper editor, new paper owner and finally a senator, stories of his black origin were being circulated by his enemies, they even distributed a Pamphlet written by Professor William Estabrook, Chancellor of Wooster college, stating that Harding had not one but two lines of Black ancestors, as his great grandmother was a "Negress".

Regardless of all the rumors, pamphlets and widespread stories of Harding's Black origins, political historians agree that Harding's racial genealogy had no impact or affect whatsoever on the vote outside the south, as he was elected president by 60% over 31% for James Cox, his democratic component.

According to these articles and reads, Obama is not the first black president, therefore celebrating this –so-called- historical- achievement- is not in place.

Another significant question that we need to ask ourselves is, "Is Obama Black?"
Several articles discussed this question, including an article entitled "Is Barack Obama Black?" written by Kimberly McClain DaCosta, from Harvard University, where she argues that Obama should be considered "mixed-race", not black, keeping in view that although his father was black, his mother is white. From my point of view Dacosta's article was all about proving the existence of the "mixed-race" identity and the need of its public recognition, but she did not really answer the question at hand.

Barack Obama is Black-colored. When it comes to the color of the skin, there is no single doubt that he is black, therefore he is the first black-skinned American president; but African countries and people are not celebrating his color, they assume that someone with African culture has finally entered the White House, which is completely and utterly wrong.

Barack Obama has black skin and black blood in his veins, thanks to his Kenyan Father, who, after divorcing his mother when Barack was only 2 years old went back to Kenya. Barack Obama only saw his father once after that. Obama was raised in Hawaii by his white mother of English and Irish descent, and her parents. At the age of six, Obama moved to Indonesia with his mother and his younger half sister Mia to live with his Indonesian step father, but, he returned back to Hawaii when he was 10 and lived with his grandparents until he moved to New York to study University.
From this short brief on the life of Obama, anyone would realize that Black/African Culture had no influence on Obama, as he lived most of his life with his white grandparents. So, why are we celebrating a man who was raised in Hawaii by his two white grandparents?

I am not completely anti-Obama as some of you might think, not at all, if I was American, I would be excited and delighted by his victory, not because he is African nor because he is black, but because he will understand the pain and struggle of different minorities in the States, as it is certain that during his life time, he had been through a lot of situations whereas he had been discriminated and prejudged by the color of his skin.

If I was American, I would be hopeful that Barack Obama will try to bring changes to America, although I will acknowledge the fact that the congress and the different lobbies, which he himself fought for their rights, are in control of the internal policies more than he is, but even the minimum changes I would highly appreciate.

But I am not American, I am Sudanese. A Sudanese living in Sudan, a Sudanese who is aware of the power of the American Politics on the Middle East and Africa, I am a Sudanese who believes that it is not the President of the United States who takes crucial decisions concerning the American Foreign Affairs with the rest of the world. I am a Sudanese who genuinely believes in conspiracy theories, and I truly believe that Barack Obama, might, bring changes to America, but he will not, even if he wanted, bring change to the Middle east of Africa. American Policy towards Africa in general and Sudan in particular will continue to serve non-other but their own benefit.

This is why; I am completely against the SPLM's celebration of Obama's Election, which was held on November 29th, 2008. The SPLM, according to their invitations, claim that "Sudan needs to celebrate Obama's victory at this important juncture of our history that extends back to seven thousands years of historical and contemporary diversity of cultures and religions. The election of Barack Obama represents a true moment of reconciliation and out country at this moment is in a dire need to reconcile with itself in order to cross to the other riverbank of citizens equal right".

What I do not understand, is why do we need an "American victory" for us to celebrate our beautiful diversity? And how does this victory relate to equality of citizens, or human rights in Sudan?

Another thing that puzzles me is why is the SPLM so confident and sure that Barack Obama foreign policy will be on their side?

Any follower to US politics and Sudan knows that the Republican Party and Bush Administration were friends of Southern Sudan as they sponsored the Naivasha talks and provided different support to the South after peace, whereas Obama's foreign policy is still suspicious, specially after he declared that he plans to bring back the American troops from Iraq, but suggests that American Forces must be sent to Darfur.

I don’t think that the SPLM are naïve enough to be fooled by Obama's skin color rather than his principles and planned strategies, but it seems that all African countries and leaders have fallen for the same trap.

I am sorry if I cannot be as ecstatic about Obama's victory as everyone else, but, to me, Barack Obama, is just another American President.

Still In Love

Still In Love

Intro

Still in love with you,

I am not,

But with your memories,

I confess I am,

Remnants you forgot,

Inside my mind,

The scent of you,

You left behind,

In my closet.

(1)

I am still in love,

With that moment in time,

After today,

And before tomorrow,

When the clock stops ticking,

And the world around me,

Just pause,

For an instant,

That extends,

For as long as a lifetime,

Of stillness,

And it's only you,

And me,

In motion,

Painting the silence,

With passionate colors,

Of devotion,

Dancing to the rhythm,

Of our heartbeats,

In this magical realm,

Of frozen time.

(2)

I’m still in love,

With that reflection of a man,

I see in my mirror,

And the innocent,

Shade of Brown,

In his sleepy eyes,

That cast a spell on me,

As I get lost,

In those dark thick eye brows,

Titivating what's under,

And what's around,

My finger tips,

Twitching,

Yearning to touch,

Play through,

And brush,

His flickering strands of hair,

Like I used to.

(3)

I'm still in love,

With the memories,

Of bittersweet flavor,

Hours of laughter and joy,

Pure love and devotion,

Vs. Minutes of sorrows,

Heartaches and pain,

Nevertheless,

Every night,

I can't fall asleep,

Without embracing it,

Holding it closer,

To my heart,

And rest in its arms,

Instead of his,

Like I used to

Eternally

Eternally…

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
-Paul Valery-

I,
Stand still,
With silence,
Ashamed and embarrassed,
Unable to express,
Or to exalt,
The panoply of your soul,
In mortal words,
Thus I write,
This endless poem,
That will never end,
Never finish,
Nor be abandoned,
For as long as I breathe,
In,
Your essence,
Eternally.



In you,
I see my past, present,
And sweet visions of my future,
In you,
I see the knight in shining armor,
The kind hearted prince,
The answer to my prayers,
The savior I constantly called for,


In me,
Lies emotions that goes as deep as the oceans of unconditional love,
Feelings so high, embracing the heavens; where this miraculous sensation was found,
Only to confuse, bemuse,
Mystify and confound,
The innocence in my heart,


In you,

Is where my poetry learned new vocabs,
Is where my heart went for a needed rehab,
As you brighten,
Enlighten,
And continuously edify,
My once lost soul,
You gently purify,


In me,
Tensed emotions,
Of love and fear,
Confusion and despair,
Mingled with hopeful tears,
Are the lyrics to the melody,
Of my passionate insanity,
You composed inside of me,


You,
Are,
My lover,
My brother,
And my all time friend,

I,
Dream you to be,
My partner,
My tutor,
My spouse on earth,
And in the after life,
I shall ask for only you,
In god's heaven,
To be with me,
Eternally,

You,
Are,
The only one who had it all,
In the midst of all the faces, hearts and minds,
You stand tall,
You had the mind,
That would endlessly satisfy,
My soul,
You had the heart,
That would keep me warm,
Through winter and fall,
You had the soul,
That would modify,
To beautify,
All of my flaws,



I,
Cherish, every part of you,
From your head to your toes,
Your lucent eyes,
Which speak straight to mine,
In a rhapsodic language,
Only you and I understand,
Your forehead,
Your cheeks and your nose,
All the way down,
To your lips,
Enchanting me,
Enervating me,
Oh dear, bless me,
With a tender kiss,
A taste of your philter bliss,
Excuse my ecstatic inclination,
And grant me this magical wish,

I,
How can I,
Not,
Speak of your neck,
Your shoulders,
Or your arms,
Where should I start, I wonder,
Your chest,
Your back,
And,
The palm of your right hand,
Where dwells memories that are rainbow painted,
Where this ravishing fascination emanated,
Where a waterfall of unspoken words instantaneously flowed,
And inundated,
Eternally,


As I,
Not only adore,
But venerate you,
Mind, body and soul,
I surrender my all,

I humbly receive
And Accept,
My divine gift,
On earth,
And heaven.
Eternally.

My Endless Love ::Sudan::

29 May 2008

I close my eyes,
Take a deep breathe,
Inhale this beauty into my soul,
This heavenly scent that only makes me,
Reminisce,
Remember,
All the special times
Good or bad
Priceless
Is what they are

With arms wide open
I stand
On your motherly tender ground,
Admiring
Loving
Everything you offer
And present

With a joyful content smile
I lovingly acknowledge
Accept
My destiny,
Which finally
Led me to you,

After years of confusion
Homelessness
And Disorientation,
Here I am now,
Resting in your arms,
Enjoying the warmth of your embrace,

Oh, how I love,
The exceptional
Touch of your sunrays,
On my yearning skin,
How I love,
The scent of wet sand
That I,
Inhale,
Breathe in,
After your African rainy nights
How I love,
The pureness
Of everything on your land,
Resembling the innocence
Of your people's hearts,
They've fed from the virtuousness
Of your precious land,
They've drank from the limpidness
Of your cherished Nile,

My endless Love,
Bless me with the beauty of your simplicity,
Shower me with your tender motherly love,
For I am your daughter,
And I am proud to carry your name,
Wherever I go.

Mid Night Notes :: Note 5::

Midnight Notes

Note 5

5 April 2008

For as long as I remember I always had a roller coaster-emotions, which was the reason why people around me found some difficulties dealing with me, but close friends and family members knew that no matter how angry and mad I get, it only takes one word or a single chocolate bar to make me forget everything and be that joyful and carefree person once again.

You haven’t known me for as long as these friends, but you have managed in a very little time to interpret my entire complex and convoluted codes.
It scares me when I think about it.
I have become an open book to you, easy to read and understand. You know the true meaning of each hum, each sigh, each yes and each no.
You know when I'm hiding something, when I'm lying and when I'm being honest.
Last night while we were talking, you said something that you really shouldn’t have, for now, I can't stop myself from thinking about it, trying to understand and read between the lines. Too bad I'm not as good as you are.
If someone else would have said those words to me, I would think that he is just trying to cheer me up, make me feel better or so, but knowing you, the sarcastic person you are, who rarely says something nice in a serious manner, you got me confused.
Did you really mean it?
But you would know what affect saying such thing will have on me, I know you would know that I'd be thinking about what you said all night and all the next day.
Now that I'm thinking of it, I realize that you were just being nice, and even if you did mean it, which does not mean in any way, that you do have feelings for me.
Where am I going with all these thoughts? With all these feelings I have for you? It's taking me nowhere. I keep telling myself that I should take you out of my head, stop calling you as much, stop thinking about you, stop talking about you, but it's easier said than done.
Every 5 minutes in the day, I look at my phone wanting to call you, but begging myself not to, in the end I just convince my self that it would be better to wait, maybe you're sleeping, maybe you're busy, maybe you're out, maybe you're with your friends, maybe, maybe, and maybe.
Eventually, I call you and talk for hours on nothing and everything, stupid things you say that make me smile, silly pranks you play that make me furious, funny stories you tell that make me laugh, enlightening facts you mention that make me wonder. Then I start acting like your mother, which you say you hate that, but I know you don't, you like it when I care about what you do and where you go, when I ask about your studies, your exams, when I discuss your future and make plans for you, guiding you to the easiest and best ways to reach success in your education and your career.
Am I doing that for your own sake? Or am I doing it for my own sake? I'm doing it for both.
But what makes me feel better is that now I know it's not only me who's working hard on this. I'm not the only one who's trying to make future plans, but that day you proved to me that you're thinking about it too. You have some plans and ideas, and you want me to share these plans with you.
I was so thrilled as I listened to you explaining your idea on your future project, it even made me happier when you asked me to help you with this project, and maybe if everything went well, if I would like to be your partner.
I do. I want to be your partner, not only in this project, but in everything else in your life.

A few days ago, I was speaking about you to a friend for a very long time, which seems like the only thing I'm talking about lately, he asked me "Are you in love with him?"
I stuttered.

Am I?

Mid Night Notes :: Note 4::

Mid Night Notes

Note 4

25 March 2008


They say my life is a mess, and to be completely honest with you my dear, they are right.
They also say you are a part of this chaos. They say this should stop.
I should stop calling you, or waiting for you to call.
I should stop speaking about you every now and then.
I should stop thinking about you and dreaming of how would it be.
I should even stop writing these dreamful notes.

Should I?!

What if you're the only thing that is stopping me from going back to my addiction?
What if thinking of you keeps me busy from thinking about the past?
What if talking with you makes me feel needed, wanted, and precious after feeling worthless for some time?
What if you were the one right thing in the middle of this turmoil called my life?
What if those few moments I spend on the phone with you are the only moments in my whole day where I am truly my self, with no masks on, without pretending to be someone else?
What if the few laughs you give me are the only true ones through all my day?
What if you were the only thing that is keeping me strong, sane and holding on these days?
What if?

I know, they are right, and this is going no where, and I know you know this as well, but why should I give up on a wonderful feeling just because it will not last long. If I would have done it the right way as they see it, I should go straight up to you, told you of my feelings, and evolve my whole life around you only and no one else, maybe then they wont say all the things they are saying.

Did I say in any of my previous notes that I love you?
I don’t think I did. I am aware that love is much more than this and I know that I like you so much, but this feeling I deeply have for you have not and might not ever reach that point ever.
So why are they prejudging me?
Why are they sentencing my heart to grief, pain and loneliness?

I know I need you now.
So why should I worry so much about tomorrow?
If they are worried about you, I guess I should tell them they shouldn’t.
You're stronger, smarter and you already have it all under your control, and this is why I won't stop.
I know I can count on you, I know you won't let this go further than it should.
I believe in you.

Save Me

Save Me

Save me,
As I am walking with baffled will, Shaky knees, unsteady footsteps and wobbly hands.
Save me,
As I am walking towards the ocean of my destiny, through these narrow roads of insecurity.
Save me,
From that ocean which offers nothing but ambiguity, waves of vast possibilities, storms of anxiety and winds of uncertainty.
Save me,
From the anonymous where I am going, where there is a beginning, but there is no ending.
Save me,
Because my confounded soul is weak and torn apart, jaded, worn out and gave up on my heart.
Save me,
Before I surrender timidly to common sense and logical mentality, before I lose my beliefs in love, passion and sensibility.
Save me,
Before I lose the ability to love, to live, to feel and to give, before I lose the facility to write another poem and to sing another song.
Save me,
Before it's too late, before I drown in the ocean of misery and drench in the high tides of melancholy.
Save me,
From my own self and my tears, from this destiny deluge rapidly towards my reality, devastating my sanity.

Find me,
As I am lost in this jungle of perplexity,
Wake me,
From this night mare of delusional reality,
Kiss me,
A kiss that will bring me back to life and vitality,
Love me,
Enlighten my soul and brighten my days with true love's beauty,
Hold me,
Pull me back and take me to the shores of complete certainty,
Save me,
Give me wings and help me fly to our heaven of love and serenity.

MidNight Notes :: Note 3::

Mid Night Notes

Note (3):

23 March 2008

My Satisfying love,

Days pass by, and again I find myself attached to you more than ever, but wait a minute, we are not meant to be, this should stop. So, I decide to step back, give you some space, a chance for you to live your life without me, a chance for myself to not get used to you, but no avail. I miss you, and I need you. My woman's pride control me and I convince myself to wait for you to make that call, praying that you don't, hence I would have a strong reason to never call you again; but deep inside I know that in less than two days you will miss my voice, you will need to hear my laugh, see my smile and look into my eyes. I know you need me. I know you want me.

"Satisfy my soul…
Satisfy my soul…
Every little action …
Satisfy my soul...
There's a reaction…
Satisfy my soul...
Oh can't you see...
What you have done to me…
I'm happy inside all, all of the time..."

As I hear this melody, I run towards the phone, it's my favorite song, my favorite ring tone, my favorite caller.

"Cant you see… don’t you believe me... Oh darling darling… I'm calling… calling...
Satisfy my soul…"

If you would only hear my calls, if you would only relief me, release me, save me and help me.
It's only you who satisfies my soul.

Mid Night Notes:: Note 2::

Mid Night Notes

Note (2):

22 March 2008

My true love,

I hear it in your voice, you're hurt. It hurts you to see me living a Single woman's life when the truth is; you want me all for your self. It hurts you to hear me speaking of other men coming into my life leaving their footprints on my heart, leaving traces of their scents on my dress, leaving gibberish words of insanity in my notes. It hurts you to tell me, who is right for me and who is not, who to trust and whom should I forget; 'Cause the hidden, untold truth is that you want me all for your self, and what hurts you most is that you know that I want you too; but unlike me you insist, persist, and strongly believe that we were not meant to be.

I believe that you are absolutely right. Us can never work out; but "how would it be like?" is a question that steals away my sleep at night, so I pick up the phone, and dial your number with my eyes closed, and like an enchanting lullaby melody, your voice soothes the mad muses in my head, as you ask me about my day, work, friends, family and every other detail, and like a magical spell, I am bewitched as I start telling you everything, every little detail of where I been, who I met, and what I think. We would talk for long hours, till sunrise, yet I don’t get bored or tired, not even for a minute. I pray to god that time moves slower, maybe even stop for a day, so I don’t have to hang up the phone, so I can fall asleep while listening to your sweet lullaby.

Mid Night Notes:: Note 1::

Midnight Notes


Note (1):

21 March 2008

My only love,

What is it that you want me to do?
Tell me, and whatever you demand I will obey. Ask me, and whatever is you command, I will fulfill, with all my will.
I am ready to forget everything and everyone I ever knew, this and more is what I will do for you if you just say it. Your wishes are my commands. I promise you, I will amend my whole life, twist it, turn it around, and change it according to your desire.

Insomniac Night

March 18th, 2008

Insomniac Night

Just like a roller coaster ride,
It feels like,
Huge amounts,
Of your love,
I try hard to gasp,
Into my lungs,
But it’s just,
A little too much,
It’s choking me,
Suffocating me,
Smothering me,
I can’t breathe no more,
Help me,
Baby, I can’t sleep.

Visions of You,
Dreams and fantasies,
Flash through my mind,
Swiftly,
In the speed of light,
Rushing here & there,
Back and forth,
They’re everywhere,
In my brain,
I beg them to stop,
They’re driving me insane,
I can’t think anymore,
Help me,
Baby, I can’t sleep.

Reminiscences,
And memories,
Of you and I,
Of us,
Blinding me,
Darkness,
All around me,
I can’t see,
Only you ahead of me,
You're just a ghost,
You're just a dream,
Darkness,
Closing on me,
From all sides,
Left and right,
I can’t see,
Help me,
Baby, I can’t sleep.

My tears,
So hot they burn my eyes,
Engraving their way through my cheeks,
Deeply,
Brutally,
It’s the heat in my soul,
Burning me all,
I can’t stop,
Crying,
I Cant stop these tear drops,
From falling,
Help me,
Baby, I can’t sleep.

These butterflies,
That used to dance,
Play,
And tingle,
In my tummy,
They've gone wild,
They're out of control,
Flying all around,
Up and down,
The tingles has turned into cramps,
It’s the ache of your love,
Ripping apart my belly,
Help me,
Baby, I can’t sleep.

Don’t you understand?
Don’t you get it?
Its not that I need you,
Nor that I want you,
It’s that I badly,
Ruthlessly,
Severely,
Yearn for you,
Not like a child craving a chocolate bar,
But like an addict wanting,
Needing,
Craving badly for another dose,
Another sniff,
Another pill,
Another needle,
To stop the pain,
To ease the hunger,
To relief the thirst,
It’s more than dehydration,
It worst than starvation,
It’s more fatal,
It much lethal,
It’s killing me,
Tearing me apart,
Like pieces of blank,
Empty,
Pieces of paper,
I am torn,
Slash,
I need you,
Slash,
I want you,
Slash,
I Love you,
Help me,
Baby, I can’t sleep.

Words Un-Spoken

Written in March 11th, 2008.

Words Un-Spoken

With the start of every new day,
My heart passionately hums,
Enchanted melodies,
Bewitching harmonies,
And magical tunes,
Composed by the love and affection,
That precipitates through my veins,
Combined with words,
Unspoken,
To you,
Dedicated,
To you,
Undelivered,
To you.

Still,
My heart passionately hums,
You’re the one I want.


With the start of every new day,
My heart softly mumbles,
Words unspoken.
Since the sight of you,
Makes my body quiver,
And I wonder,
Should I say the words?
But before I do, I trip,
I stammer,
I stumble,
Should I say the words?
My tongue’s about to slip,
I stutter,
I tremble,
Should I say the words?
Eventually I step back,
Abstain,
I withhold,
Refrain.

Yet,
My heart softly mumbles,
You’re the one I want,

With the start of every new day,
My heart tenderly whispers,
Words Unspoken,
Words I long to hear,
Of emotions,
We both share,
You and me,
You never said it,
But I could feel it,
In your eyes I see it.

As my heart tenderly whispers,
You’re the one I want,



With the start of every new day,
My heart constantly wishes to confess,
How comfortable you make me feel,
The way you set my soul at ease,
And I think of,
Joyful times we spent together,
Our conversations,
Our smiles,
Our giggles and laughs,
The jokes you say,
The games we play,
Sigh!
It’s such a shame,
These words,
Full of serenity,
Equability,
And tranquillity,
These words will remain,
Inside of me,
Unruffled,
These words will remain,
Hummed,
Mumbled,
Whispered,
Confessed
Only to my heart,
These words will remain,
Passionately,
Softly,
Tenderly,
Unspoken.


And my heart constantly wishes,
Yearns,
Desires to confess,
These words,
Unspoken,
You’re the one I love.

In Love With a Viking

This one goes to all Norwegians and Swedish living and working in Sudan, and all the nice Norwegians I met in Oslo and Bergen during my short visit there in Dec 2008. NOT dedicated to Danish, cuase they just weren't as nice and as welcoming as the Norwegians when I was in Copenhagen on that cold, rainy and terribly windy night of December 22nd, 2008.
Well, I did meet ONE nice Danish lady in Oslo, so, maybe there are some nice Danish people, right?

In Love With a Viking

It is not the oceans I see in your eyes,
That goes as deep as the kindness of your soul,
That got my mind, my heart, my very own soul,
Bemused,
Confused,
Mystified,
Read again these words,
Not a proper way to start a poem,
Words that don’t come in place,
But hopefully, might end this lyrical chase,

Been there, done that,
Over this “Foolish Love illusions”,
I thought I was,
But you,
You proved me wrong,
I am a woman,,
I never was,
Never will be,
Too old,
Or too mature,
To fall in love,
Ardently,
Foolishly,
Passionately,
Even if its you,
A man too young in age,
Too old in wisdom,
Even if its you,
An alien to my world,
A Foreigner,
An Outsider,
Even if its you,
A man, not resembling my African dream,
But still,
You built,
You painted,
You sang,
A new dream,
Of opposed colors merging together,
Forming a charming painting of love,
A new vision,
Of divergent beats combining with one another,
Producing an enchanting melody of affection,
With complete consciousness and awareness of the impossibility of this affair, and the difficulty I must bear, I promise, I shall not fall into misery nor despair, I will abide with all that is unfair, for the sake of this emotion, this magical sensation, this miraculous sentiment and this exquisite passion I have, I feel, I live, I wish to share, with non other but your beautiful soul, your white heart, your vanilla essence, your ocean spirit, your captivating voice, your imprisoning actions of kindness, your entrancing intelligence, your enticing attributes and your alluring, tempting always calling, looks of a Viking..

I hereby,
Announce,
Clearly declare
Proudly affirm
That I,
Am foolishly in love…
With my Scandinavian Viking…

Chaotic Reflections

When it comes to writing or reading, my first passion would be for poetry, then comes short stories and novels, thus I do not write too many stories, probably one short story for every 10 poems. Last one I wrote was this one called "Chaotic Reflections". I meant for it to be in one part, but some friends asked me to write more, so I did, but I still believe it should only be one part, which is this one only! So save your begging, cuase I'm only posting this piece.

Intro:
Every story that I have written before, had a moral behind it. A message I wanted to deliver, a social issue and concern I needed to discuss. But this piece here has nothing! There is no moral in this story. It's just a chaotic scene that played inside my mind.

Chaotic Reflections

Darkness wrapped the room as no light was on but a soft one coming out of Lamis's laptop screen. Smooth Jazz and Soft R&B were her favorite musical genre which she was listening to that night.
Another sleepless night, not knowing what to do with all the time she had, as it was 2 a.m and her eyes were not even close to sleepiness. Her heart was still pumping energy through her veins, although coffee was not a favorite drink to her, neither were those energy soft drinks people are into these days, yet, she was as awake as someone who had just had 5 cups of coffee.
Staring at the ceiling she laid in her bed, trying hard not to think of him, pushing her thoughts towards anything else, and running a tape of thoughts before her eyes.
Work? No.
Her family? No.
Her friends? No.
She'd eventually find herself thinking of him again.
She got up and moved towards the mirror, and then one of her favorite songs started to play. She swayed her body to the soft rhythms, twisting her hands, moving them softly, slowly up and down and around her curves, while singing along with true passion emitting from her seductive tone.
She stopped as the music of the song faded away and another song started to play. She looked around her room, searching for any sort of distraction, her eyes found their target in her closet, she moved towards it then bent to reach into her lowest drawer, opened it, and there it was. A victorious smile drew on her face as she pulled out a box of Marlboro cigarettes and the lighter which was just next to it.
A year ago, she had promised her self that won't smoke ever again, but forgotten about that last box hidden in her drawer, and now, she needed it and it was there.
"One cigarette won't harm any one" she thought to herself as she lit the first one, a deep sensation of repose passed through her body as she inhaled the first gust of smoke. She could feel her pain, sorrows and agony slowly discharging out of her system with every exhale.
Moving back to her bed, she reached out for her mobile phone from the bedside table, she rest her back on the cozy pillow, holding her savior for the moment in one hand, and her mobile phone in the other. She went through her contacts list, one by one, looking at the names and numbers, she knew she needed to speak to someone, any one; maybe he or she could assist her cigarette in taking her mind off him.
"Bingo!"
She didn’t call his number, since it was too late and she wasn’t sure if he'd be up or wakeful like her self. She wrote him a short text message, sent it and kept gazing at her mobile screen waiting for his reply.
But he never did.
She threw away the phone to the other side of the bed, lit another cigarette, and turned the music louder switching it to Gothic Rock.
She looked at the white slim cigarette in her hand and wished it was one of a different type; something a lot stronger is what she needed that night.
She got of her bed, stood up and started dancing again, on a faster rhythm this time, shaking her head and moving her body, while still inhaling that smoke into her lungs.
The affect of the smoke on her empty stomach, in addition to the loud music were getting her dizzy and light headed. She threw herself on the bed, dropping the cigarette away. A tear fought her way into her eyelids, and that’s when she realized she can't keep running, or hiding any more. She can't fight her emotions any longer.

"Hello"
"Umm, hi Ahmed"
"Oh! Lamis! Kaifik?"
"I'm fine, hamdulilah. What about you?"
"I'm good, is everything alright?"
"Yeah, it's just that…"
"What's wrong Lamis? You got me worried"
"No, nothing to worry about. It's just that, I, I missed you"
"Oh Lamis, don’t do that."
"I know! I know I shouldn’t. I tried, but I can't help it"
"Lamis, we agreed on this. You must be strong."
"Ahmed, please. Give me another chance. I will change. I'll do anything you want me to."
"Lamis, you know that can't happen. I'm with someone else now, and I, I love her."

Lamis heard the voice of her heart shredding into little pieces, her dizzy head was spinning around, and tears were flowing like waterfall down her cheeks, words were chocking in her throat, cant find their way out, all she could do was hang up without saying another word. She realized there was nothing more to do or say, looking back at her box of cigarettes she was craving for a drink that would make her forget what happened that night, forget what she did, and what she just heard.

Excuse me!

According to the date of writing my pieces, this one should go first. It dates back to February 15th, 2008. It is one of my favourites. You would notice the difference in style from my other older poems. I think it was written at the time when I started growing in poetry.

Excuse me!

Excuse me,
Allow me,
To take a moment of your time,
To say to you,
In words,
What subsides inside my mind,

Excuse me,
Let me,
Break this silence,
Melt this ice,
Ease this awkwardness,

Excuse me,
Let my poetry,
Speak for my heart,
Verbalize my feelings
And all emotions that- for always-
Were hidden deep within my bashful soul
But not anymore

Excuse me,
Cause I refuse to sit,
Wait,
And wish,
For you to make that first move,
And say that long awaited word,
Who said I should?

If it’s a rule,
I'm breaking it,
If it’s a law,
I'm against it,

I
Need
You…

No, wait..
Scratch that..

I
Want
You

I am whole,
Complete,
Independent,
And I,
Don’t need you,
Nor anyone else,
To make me feel,
Real
But,

I
Want
You

To walk with me,
Run with me,
Dance with me,

I
Want
You,

To fight with me,
Fall with me,
Rise with me,

I
Want
You

To dream with me,
Believe with me
Reach with me

I
Want
You

To Smile with me
Cry with me
Live with me

I
Want
You
To go through this long journey of life
With me
Side by side
Step by step
Through it all
Not because I cant make it alone,
But, because it will be
More beautiful
More enjoyable
More pleasant
With you

Because

I
LOVE
You,

I
Choose
You

Excuse me,

I
Want
You

Back to you!

I can't believe it's been almost a year now since I posted anything here!

I know I have disappointed many readers when I closed my blog, but I was feeling empty of thoughts to share, I was having a long-term writers block, I thought I will never be able to write anything again, but I didn't want to lose the things I wrote here, and that was why I kept my blog, but only closed it to readers.

After a year, I am back, hopefully, for good. I don't have a clear view of what my future posts will be about exactly, I can't promise it will be all political or social related articles, nor comments on the world's most interesting news, maybe it will mostly be poetry or stories, or maybe nothing that makes sense at all, some random ponderings from my forever - confused mind and heart. In all cases, I just hope you would enjoy what you read, and never feel like you just wasted your precious time.

At first I'll post some of the stuff that I wrote in the past year, and then I'll start posting the most recent articles/poetry.

As always, your comments and thoughts either here, or on my yahoo email "preciousblogging", are highly appreciated.

Much love,

Precious
Friday January 23rd, 2009.